Black Hair Media Forum : Trust Issues

Black Hair Media Forum : Trust Issues http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/ Wed, 22 May 2013 04:57:46 +0000 Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:18:41 +0000 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Web Wiz Forums 10.15 360 Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/RSS_post_feed.asp?TID=351403 <![CDATA[Black Hair Media Forum]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com//forum_images/BHM_Logo_v5_Forum.jpg http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/ <![CDATA[Trust Issues : tropical I am being a scaredy...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953839.html#9953839 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 11:18am

tropical I am being a scaredy cat lol, i don't want to hear that his friend might be a girl. And I don't want to ask questions that are too invasive to the point of him thinking I don't trust him or I'm overly insecure for the fact that I DO want it to develop into something more in the future.. but I am very guilty of cutting things off if i get scared. ]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:18:41 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953839.html#9953839 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : If you really like this man, don't...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953830.html#9953830 Author: tropical-punch
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 11:15am

If you really like this man, don't be afraid to ask him questions. Sounds like you are scared of the answer. Do you not want to become bf/gf in the future? Sounds like you're going to let things go without even really knowing everything.]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 11:15:43 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953830.html#9953830 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : _leah wrote:but i completely...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953789.html#9953789 Author: Tbaby
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:48am

_leah wrote:

but i completely agree with samone on your point about being reassured, its been a long time since i've really liked someone and I do want to be sure that im not wasting my time.

You can never be sure about anyone that you are dating if they are going to break your heart tomorrow vs 6 mos from now. Love is risky, that's what makes it thrilling. LOL

You weigh the risks, and decide if this guy has proved to you that he's trustworthy or not.
]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:48:14 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953789.html#9953789 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : thanks hun!!& everyone else...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953776.html#9953776 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:34am

thanks hun!! Hug

& everyone else for the advice as well..

Thread done lol

]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:34:34 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953776.html#9953776 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : _leah wrote:but i completely...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953772.html#9953772 Author: SamoneLenior
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:32am

_leah wrote:

but i completely agree with samone on your point about being reassured, its been a long time since i've really liked someone and I do want to be sure that im not wasting my time.

I wish you all the best

]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:32:51 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953772.html#9953772 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : yeah if 2-3 weekends went by id...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953769.html#9953769 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:32am

yeah if 2-3 weekends went by id be like wtf son lol]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:32:24 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953769.html#9953769 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : _leah wrote:probably not,...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953766.html#9953766 Author: SamoneLenior
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:31am

_leah wrote:

probably not, we live relatively far from each other so we really only see each other on weekends anyway.

I know y'all I'm just bugging right now lol

lol okay well you know what I mean, say 2-3 weekends went by

I agree you are over thinking it

we can't always say "it's him" when we know we have our own issues

and for all we know it could be him but if you are already on your inspector gadget from jump then we can't really say he is or isn't doing anything to cause you to feel this way

Edited by SamoneLenior - Nov 28 2012 at 10:32am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:31:36 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953766.html#9953766 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : but i completely agree with samone...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953767.html#9953767 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:31am

but i completely agree with samone on your point about being reassured, its been a long time since i've really liked someone and I do want to be sure that im not wasting my time. ]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:31:36 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953767.html#9953767 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : SamoneLenior wrote:you have...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953762.html#9953762 Author: EasterBell
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:28am

SamoneLenior wrote:

you have trust issues with him

you say it stems from past relationships so I get that

that fact that you are posting texts (no shade) shows that you need to be reassured by others that all is on the up and up

if he wasn't away, would you still feel like this?

I mean say yall just didn't see each other for 4 days (still in the same city though)....would you think he was "cheating"

good points..]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:28:59 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953762.html#9953762 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : probably not, we live relatively...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953761.html#9953761 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:28am

probably not, we live relatively far from each other so we really only see each other on weekends anyway.

I know y'all I'm just bugging right now lol

]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:28:55 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953761.html#9953761 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : you have trust issues with himyou...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953758.html#9953758 Author: SamoneLenior
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:27am

you have trust issues with him

you say it stems from past relationships so I get that

that fact that you are posting texts (no shade) shows that you need to be reassured by others that all is on the up and up

if he wasn't away, would you still feel like this?

I mean say yall just didn't see each other for 4 days (still in the same city though)....would you think he was "cheating"

Edited by SamoneLenior - Nov 28 2012 at 10:27am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:27:24 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953758.html#9953758 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : okay good to know Lol thanks guys,...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953757.html#9953757 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:27am

okay good to know Lol thanks guys, this was going to drive me cray cray lol ]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:27:19 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953757.html#9953757 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : Yeah, you found someone that,...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953755.html#9953755 Author: EasterBell
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:26am

Yeah, you found someone that, with time, you can truly fall for, which is probably why you are having those feelings. Yeah, seems like, for now, he is being honest and trying to let you know you can trust him..

LOL @ you saying that you ain't worried but you on BHM posting about trust issues..

Just communicate with him..

Edited by EasterBell - Nov 28 2012 at 10:27am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:26:12 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953755.html#9953755 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : && this was the conversation...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953736.html#9953736 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:19am

&& this was the conversation last night after he told me they were going to the beach early in this morning and the person was traveling about 2 hours to see him.

Edited by _leah - Nov 28 2012 at 10:30am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:19:07 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953736.html#9953736 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : I think it's just you. I...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953716.html#9953716 Author: tasty0619
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 10:03am

I think it's just you. I and my other gf's have strictly platonic relationships with guys, and would do things like this for each other. When in relationships though we do use non-gender specific words/phrases if we will be around them in a way that may make the SO uncomfortable.

Honestly, what can you do? Biitch about it? I mean...that's his friend and if they've been friends for a while-you now put your relationship in jeopardy. Or roll with it, yet keep him at arms length and not get too involved until you are sure you can trust him wholeheartedly.

This may not help but...one of the men I grew up with said men would fucc their female friends if given the chance. It's up to the woman to establish that it'll never happen, or that it's a possibility.

]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:03:00 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953716.html#9953716 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : Easter you may be right, I've...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953705.html#9953705 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:50am

Easter you may be right, I've never suffered from insecurity but I can honestly say i feel that way around him because I like him so much it's annoying ]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:50:46 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953705.html#9953705 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : Seems like you overthinking it...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953642.html#9953642 Author: EasterBell
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:06am

Seems like you overthinking it and being insecure..You reading too much into them text. I didn't get the cheating vibe from them messages..LOL

Yeah, you need to have a chat with him and express your concerns. Can't really tell much from them text

Edited by EasterBell - Nov 28 2012 at 9:11am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:06:09 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953642.html#9953642 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : We've known each other...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953640.html#9953640 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:03am

We've known each other for about 5-6 months now but like I don't know how to explain it's not like we talked all the time but one day we just hung out and basically really hit it off.

Edited by _leah - Nov 28 2012 at 9:03am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:03:21 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953640.html#9953640 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : How long have you known him for...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953637.html#9953637 Author: eanaj5
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:01am

How long have you known him for OP?]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:01:33 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953637.html#9953637 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : ^ I sent the first message about...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953636.html#9953636 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 9:01am

^ I sent the first message about 30 minutes before his response.

Sorry I know I'm divulging a lot of information, but I really do like him and if I'm overreacting I want to know.

Edited by _leah - Nov 28 2012 at 9:02am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 09:01:31 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953636.html#9953636 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : Tbaby wrote:But if you 2 are...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953630.html#9953630 Author: EasterBell
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:58am

Tbaby wrote:

But if you 2 are mutually exclusive and agreed to it, that IMO means you are serious already. I get not being caught up on labels, but it does kind of sound like relationship purgatory as the other poster said.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Voice your concerns/uneasiness again--but based on your OP it sounds as if he knows you are uneasy about this and tried to work out a soln to help you. That's very considerate of him.

This is what I am thinking to.. You all are already BF/GF just without saying it because if you are just dating, he wouldn't say he wanted to be only with you.. You both would be free to do as you feel.. You all are exclusive, which means, in a way, you are serious and you are just hung up on that BF/GF label.. To me, to go exclusive with one means they are the one that you are going to be spending your time with and everybody else can just fall back..

I would say, the guy has told you what his plans are in detail. He is being upfront with you and letting you know that you can trust him or ,else, he wouldn't told you anything..

You may be a little insecure and it's kind of understandable due to your past. However, you should communicate with this guy and voice your concerns..

Edited by EasterBell - Nov 28 2012 at 9:00am]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:58:32 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953630.html#9953630 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : yes OP drop him while there isnt...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953625.html#9953625 Author: eanaj5
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:56am

yes OP drop him while there isnt any solid feeling invested. You will thank us later. And DONT let him sucker you back in. just let it go.]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:56:59 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953625.html#9953625 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : But if you 2 are mutually exclusive...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953616.html#9953616 Author: Tbaby
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:51am

But if you 2 are mutually exclusive and agreed to it, that IMO means you are serious already. I get not being caught up on labels, but it does kind of sound like relationship purgatory as the other poster said.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Voice your concerns/uneasiness again--but based on your OP it sounds as if he knows you are uneasy about this and tried to work out a soln to help you. That's very considerate of him.
]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:51:46 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953616.html#9953616 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : After talking to him this morning...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953607.html#9953607 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 8:42am

After talking to him this morning I think you're right ^^^ eh, you win some you lose some. ]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 08:42:41 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953607.html#9953607 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : khivey wrote: _leah...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953546.html#9953546 Author: _leah
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 7:02am

khivey wrote:

_leah wrote:

We've been dealing for about a month and a half. It's still relatively new. No I haven't really had trust issues, I have gotten hurt before but it hasn't really affected the way I interact with the males in my life. This is the first time I've ever felt this way.

Was it his idea or mutual to not be official? I ask because a month and a half is so soon to make things exclusive and ya'll aren't even in a relationship. I mean..why does he need to make it official now if he knows he got you on lock without being in one?

Also, I don't think he would bring it up to you if it was anything serious or a female. He could have been testing you by telling you that piece of info to see how you would react as well...or he the friend could have been more and he sensed your hesitation...the fact that he offered to buy you a ticket is one of the oldest tricks in the books..he needs to stop..knowing you aren't going to do all of that hahaha..

I don't know what to tell you at this point..he's already told you it wasn't like that, so I wouldn't bring it up again..I would however rethink this whole exclusive but not in a relationship situation you are in..don't let these dudes have it like that out here. It is okay to backtrack and if he is really feeling you he will step up and make it official, because it sounds like you want to be official, but maybe something was put out there to make you think that a dating situation like this is cool.

It was his idea to be official. The conversation went something like

Him: do you think it would be a lot to ask if we didn't have sex or date other people.

Me: I'd already done that

Him: I'm glad we are on the same page, I really like you blah blah blah

Now I'm really not hung up on not having a title I'm not that girl & I don't think every man is like that I take it as we are making a decision to exclusively date one another to see if we could be serious later on.

]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 07:02:49 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953546.html#9953546 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : afrokock wrote: EPITOME...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953541.html#9953541 Author: eanaj5
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 6:49am

afrokock wrote:

EPITOME wrote:

i dont see it as trust issues per se. you don't know the man. you earn trust over time. it is not freely given bc of a title.

im the opposite,

i give you trust, and over time you either keep it or lose it

i think this is so backwards. How much trust can you really give someone you dont know that well. part of getting to know someone is trying to see if they are trust worthy.
]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 06:49:56 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953541.html#9953541 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : EPITOME wrote:i dont see it...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953532.html#9953532 Author: afrokock
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 6:38am

EPITOME wrote:

i dont see it as trust issues per se. you don't know the man. you earn trust over time. it is not freely given bc of a title.

im the opposite,

i give you trust, and over time you either keep it or lose it ]]> Wed, 28 Nov 2012 06:38:12 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953532.html#9953532 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : _leah wrote:We've...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953513.html#9953513 Author: khivey
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 28 2012 at 5:26am

carolina cutie wrote:

He didn't use any gender specific pronouns? I know I don't when I know it will bother a bf or treat du jour and create a problem I don't feel like dealing with. I shouldn't do that but it's just easier at the moment.

Anywho, I think you should just ask him so you can stop guessing. Hope it all works out well for the both of you!

Agreed, I have done that in the past when I know my guy would get pissed if he thought I was hanging with a random guy that he doesn't know about. Having said that though, you might as well just ask. And then if you get a response you're satisfied with, it's time to take it to the next level and make your thing official. Because you're catching feelings as if you are official, but neither of you seems to want to make the statement that you're really dating 100%.

As long as you leave yourself in relationship purgatory, you leave yourself more open to miscommunications and issues like this.
]]> Tue, 27 Nov 2012 23:45:18 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953271.html#9953271 <![CDATA[Trust Issues : He didn't use any gender...]]> http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953224.html#9953224 Author: carolina cutie
Subject: 351403
Posted: Nov 27 2012 at 11:22pm

He didn't use any gender specific pronouns? I know I don't when I know it will bother a bf or treat du jour and create a problem I don't feel like dealing with. I shouldn't do that but it's just easier at the moment.

Anywho, I think you should just ask him so you can stop guessing. Hope it all works out well for the both of you!
]]> Tue, 27 Nov 2012 23:22:46 +0000 http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/trust-issues_topic351403_post9953224.html#9953224