Black Hair Media Forum Homepage
BHM BHM BHM
Bootiful Cream Reduces Cellulite and stretch marks
Forum Home Forum Home > Lets Talk > Relationships
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - 6 months later
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login
Perfect Hair Collection
 

6 months later

 
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1234 5>
It Always Begin With Beautiful Hair

Bootiful Cream

Perfect Hair Collection

Author
 Rating: Topic Rating: 1 Votes, Average 4.00  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Jess View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 23 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 61501
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 3:49pm
Hug
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
Printer_Ink View Drop Down
Guest Group
Guest Group
Avatar

Joined: Dec 29 2011
Location: Amsterdam
Status: Offline
Points: 22543
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 4:40pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Why did you give your power to him?
 
 
This is exactly what I was thinking.
 
I think women have to make a big enough investment in themselves so that they are not so willing to relinquish everything they are ... to a man. Confused
 
Sure, love is grand and all and if you get dumped it hurts like hell .. but you can never give more of yourself in a relationship ... than you can afford to lose.
 
Never. It's like playing the slot machines. Love is a gamble - there are no certainties.
 
And life is not always fair so if/when you lose love ... you have to have the strength to pick yourself back up, brush yourself off and ... get on with it - LIVE!
 
Suicide? Ummm a permanent solution to a temporay problem. So don't waste yourself over some guy that  (amongst other things - forced you into an abortion). What the heck kind of man is that? Red flag. An abortion should have been YOUR decision alone. I say ... you dodged a bullet with that guy - to  tell t$o tell the truth. Now he's that OTHER woman's problem.LOL
 
Anyway, again I am sorry for this situation but .. you need to get professional help.
Back to Top
sunshine321511 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Mar 05 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 17356
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (6) Thanks(6)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 5:27pm
I have had many people break my heart.  I have learned you have to survive and go on with your life.  You better not even think about ending your life over some neygros.  I have felt down an sometimes music can inspire you.  Do you remember the song survivor by Destiny's Child...Listen... .don't GIVE NO DEVIL IN HELL...THE POWER...YOU ARE A SURVIVOR....You can make it...don't make him feel good to hear about you feeling BAD or DOWN...
 
STAY BUSY, GET OUT THE HOUSE...
 
 
 
 
 
 
Back to Top
sunshine321511 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Mar 05 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 17356
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 5:29pm

1. Practice releasing regrets.

When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t.

All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.

It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.

2. Work on forgiving yourself.

You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!

Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.

3. Don’t think about any time as lost.

If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.

If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.

When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.

4. Remember the bad as well as the good.

Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.

As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t.  In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.

Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.

5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.

Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.

Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.

The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?

6. Create separation.

Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.

It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.

You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.

 
 
Back to Top
sunshine321511 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Mar 05 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 17356
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 5:36pm
I heard this from a message board years ago....THE BEST REVENGE IS SUCCESS....
 
When people hurt you, and this is family, friends, men, girlfriends....the best revenge is success and living well. What does that mean???
 
It means....exercise, get fit, improve your make-up skills, hair...get a better job, get your masters degree, get your own place, get that 6 figure job, make more money...get your self the best you can be.
 
The best revenge, someone ends a relationship with YOU...then six months or 3 years later....they see you and you look like a beauty queen, with a man 10 times better than him....what....the best revenge....you see that man....years from now...and you are doing WELL, in your big HOUSE, dating a doctor, skin pretty, hair right out the hair salon, body like BEYONCE....teeth white and pretty....
 
that is the best revenge....success and LIVING WELL!!!
 
 
Back to Top
sunshine321511 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Mar 05 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 17356
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 5:57pm
I have one more story to share - I used to really be into this man named David.  He just had me on a constant rollercoaster ride, good times then bad times for no reason.  The reason was...I suspected that he had other women and when thing were "good" with them....I was dumped.
 
So after years of ups and downs...I finally got the STRENGTH to stop chasing him....so I was all down, crying, etc.  I had his pager password....SO YOU KNOW...THIS WAS 12+ YEARS AGO....so I checked his messages....and he had a date and the girl was leaving a message.  See you later baby, etc.  Now understand, we broke up Sunday and Monday...he had a date already.....
 
Hearing that message HELPED ME SO MUCH...it taught me....you at your house, crying and down and depressed over some neygro who is eating out someone's puzzy right now...and is not  GIVING A THOUGHT TO ME...
 
It helped me mOVE ON....you have got to move forward...not specifically to another relationship but continue to live YOUR LIFE...go to concerts, movie, work, go to church, etc.
 
You also have to be careful caus....e we can also give the jerk confidence....when hears gossip that you hurt yourself, are depressed, etc....what does that do...THAT MAKES HIM FEEL GOOD...IT STROKES HIS EGO...MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE HE IS THE sh*tZ.  don't do that....
 
He will be the same one telling all his friends....yeah, sunshine killed herself over me, she is depressed over  me, etc etc.   don't give him the pleasure. 
 
YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT....WRITE YOURSELF encouraging words, tell yourself  that you are worth more than his treatment.  Re-read it over and over again...when ever you think of him.  I'd carry a note in my purse...so when I felt down...I'd motivate myself.  Sometimes people don't want to hear your story so you have to talk to yourself.  you can make it.
 
 
 
 
 
 


Edited by sunshine321511 - Sep 24 2013 at 6:01pm
Back to Top
IslandSuga View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jun 30 2005
Location: NoMan'sLand, FL
Status: Offline
Points: 30267
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote IslandSuga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 7:08pm
I know it's hard to see, but you guys breaking up was a blessing in disguise. Although it is despicable of him to make you feel bad about a pregnancy that he helped create, see the positive in it. You were engaged, got pregnant, had an abortion and now it's over. I'm not sure if you believe in God, but he would never send you a man that would make you feel bad about a pregnancy. He was protecting you but I'm sure it doesn't feel that way right now. Be happy that he is someone else's problem now. Yes I know that it hurts to see that he's engaged to someone else but he is someone else's problem now. Please get help, because this boy isn't worth ending your life over.
Back to Top
Spokenword View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member


Joined: Feb 25 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 45158
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 10:22pm
You don't need mom and brother. You need your girls, if you have any.

You need to tell them that you need to get out, have a drink (if you drink) and just vent, laugh, cry, etc. etc.

Break-ups are never easy, but they are truly things that you have to take day by day.  you have to go through those emotions and then pick yourself back up. cry about it and tell yourself this is enough. shut down your facebook and anything else that will allow you to keep that part of your life out. throw away anything he gave you, etc.

ive seen people move, change their environments and the whole nine just to get a new fresh start.

not saying you should do this, but do what is best for you to feel like this is just one part of your life ending and a new start is to come.

he does not deserve your LIFE.  

you have to take back that energy. pray for guidance and a peace of heart and mind. you MUST release it. 

my pm is open if you would like to talk.


Back to Top
Lady ICE View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jun 07 2007
Location: Gotham City
Status: Offline
Points: 278387
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lady ICE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 12:05am
Heart sending some love.
if you want you can always talk to me.
anytime.
skype
pm box
facebook
wanna text
LOL
just dont harm yourself. Hug
youre in my prayers.



Edited by Lady ICE - Sep 25 2013 at 12:05am
Back to Top
bubblyboo View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Sep 01 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 14584
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote bubblyboo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 6:32am
Please understand that when I say I'm feeling suicidal it's not like I'm going to kill myself over him. It's deeper than just him. I'm tired of everything that's going on. Idk if anyone remembers from ttt about my fertility issues but I have a disability that affects my fertility as well so I've been trying for a long time and he knew that so to force me to go through with sn abortion after begging me to try fertility treatments that he paid for is just beyond words... It's beyond cruel. It's the actions, disrespect, the blatant lack of decency not the man behind it. I'm not naive, we both have to move on. Does it hurt that he is now engaged after only 6 months? sure does but I'm not expecting him to stop his life because of me. but after 14 years off life gone to people like this... I mean it's like this isn't worth it anymore. Its this situation that has me at my breaking point and I'm tired of suffering. Someone said it best it's the rejections, feeling like I haven't been good enough for one person to do right by me so... I'm at a point in my life where it's time so when will it be my time? I feel worthless. When people keep stepping on you, you feel insignificant like you don't matter. This is also a theme in relationships outside of romantic ones too.
Back to Top
Get Longer Healthier Faster Growing Hair
Get Healthier Stronger Longer Hair
Glam Twinz
Weave Connection
Little Black Scarf
Human Hair Wigs
Wefting Training
Brazilian Hair
Brazilian Hair
Wig and Hair Extension on Amazon
Next Hair Extensions
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1234 5>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down