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bubblyboo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote bubblyboo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 6:32am
Please understand that when I say I'm feeling suicidal it's not like I'm going to kill myself over him. It's deeper than just him. I'm tired of everything that's going on. Idk if anyone remembers from ttt about my fertility issues but I have a disability that affects my fertility as well so I've been trying for a long time and he knew that so to force me to go through with sn abortion after begging me to try fertility treatments that he paid for is just beyond words... It's beyond cruel. It's the actions, disrespect, the blatant lack of decency not the man behind it. I'm not naive, we both have to move on. Does it hurt that he is now engaged after only 6 months? sure does but I'm not expecting him to stop his life because of me. but after 14 years off life gone to people like this... I mean it's like this isn't worth it anymore. Its this situation that has me at my breaking point and I'm tired of suffering. Someone said it best it's the rejections, feeling like I haven't been good enough for one person to do right by me so... I'm at a point in my life where it's time so when will it be my time? I feel worthless. When people keep stepping on you, you feel insignificant like you don't matter. This is also a theme in relationships outside of romantic ones too.
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Jewelsnyc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 8:30am
Originally posted by bubblyboo bubblyboo wrote:

Please understand that when I say I'm feeling suicidal it's not like I'm going to kill myself over him. It's deeper than just him. I'm tired of everything that's going on. Idk if anyone remembers from ttt about my fertility issues but I have a disability that affects my fertility as well so I've been trying for a long time and he knew that so to force me to go through with sn abortion after begging me to try fertility treatments that he paid for is just beyond words... It's beyond cruel. It's the actions, disrespect, the blatant lack of decency not the man behind it. I'm not naive, we both have to move on. Does it hurt that he is now engaged after only 6 months? sure does but I'm not expecting him to stop his life because of me. but after 14 years off life gone to people like this... I mean it's like this isn't worth it anymore. Its this situation that has me at my breaking point and I'm tired of suffering. Someone said it best it's the rejections, feeling like I haven't been good enough for one person to do right by me so... I'm at a point in my life where it's time so when will it be my time? I feel worthless. When people keep stepping on you, you feel insignificant like you don't matter. This is also a theme in relationships outside of romantic ones too.
My gosh bubble I have felt the same way. You seem like a very giving person, which at times translates to others as a pushover or someone to use. For whatever reason people can be so heartless and when they're face with a genuine person the worst comes out in them. Instead of building with you, they try to use and take away from you. I've encounter this in my personal realtionships as well as friendships. And my solution was to move (out of state) & get rid of the dead weight, start fresh, new place, job, people, cut everyone and everything that hurt you out of your life & start over. It's hard when the one thing you wanedt was takend form you (mom/wife). I can't say anything about that because that is devastating in itself. But there is a silver lining, the woman he's with is a rebound, he is just as lost and emoitionally damaged as he left you, and trust me, his happiness will be short lived.
 I'm praying for you & I know with time you'll be able to cope with the overwhelming feelings that are consuming you now.
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 12:23pm
I guess he changed his mind about the baby and thought that your feelings didn't matter. You could have kept it and told her to f*ck off, but you went on with the abortion.
You need to focus on yourself, regardless of choosing to find a man to have a family or choosing to make that family without a man (aka: adoption, using a sperm donor, etc). It is only you who you can control, and you need to take care of yourself first. Right now you should not bother with men at all, just focus on you and you.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 4:05pm
Originally posted by bubblyboo bubblyboo wrote:

Please understand that when I say I'm feeling suicidal it's not like I'm going to kill myself over him. It's deeper than just him. I'm tired of everything that's going on. Idk if anyone remembers from ttt about my fertility issues but I have a disability that affects my fertility as well so I've been trying for a long time and he knew that so to force me to go through with sn abortion after begging me to try fertility treatments that he paid for is just beyond words... It's beyond cruel. It's the actions, disrespect, the blatant lack of decency not the man behind it. I'm not naive, we both have to move on. Does it hurt that he is now engaged after only 6 months? sure does but I'm not expecting him to stop his life because of me. but after 14 years off life gone to people like this... I mean it's like this isn't worth it anymore. Its this situation that has me at my breaking point and I'm tired of suffering. Someone said it best it's the rejections, feeling like I haven't been good enough for one person to do right by me so... I'm at a point in my life where it's time so when will it be my time? I feel worthless. When people keep stepping on you, you feel insignificant like you don't matter. This is also a theme in relationships outside of romantic ones too.
 
Yes, but he didn't force you to have an abortion. He didn't put a gun to your head or hire some thugs to strap you to a table and force you to have an abortion.
 
He pressured you into it .. but you could have said no and been on your way. I mean how could you want a man that pressured you into an abortion after thre fertility treatments? You should have seen in that moment that he was a loser and dumped him. People will do to you .. exactly what you let them do to you. So now you are sad that this loser is with someone else? What for? You dodged a bullet. Why can you not see this?
 
If you are saying this sort of abuse is a constant in your life even outside of romance again you need to see someone and not just throw in the towel .. on life. What? All of of life? Nooooo.
 
Get help for yourself. Someone who will teach you how to value yourself so that you don't let people step on you anymore.
 
When will it be your time? Well, it will you YOUR TIME when you decide .. it's your time and not before.Clap   This is wholy in your control. You just have to DECIDE.
 
What do they say? 'The best relationship you will ever have .. is the relationship that you have with yourself'.
 
So take your life by the horns and don't let these ugly people defeat you!


Edited by Printer_Ink - Sep 25 2013 at 4:17pm
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Jewelsnyc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (9) Thanks(9)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 6:37pm
Printer I understand that your are giving your 2 cents like most of us here, but what is the purpose of pointing out that the man didn't put a gun to her head to have the abortion? I don't understand?? There is a time to be sensitive to someone else pain. Pointing out the obvious wasn't necessary.

She came here to vent and get some support not be berated or made to feel worse about a decision I'm sure she regrets and can't change now.

Common sense isn't so common...cotdamn.

Bubbly only you walk in your shoes. No one here has the right to judge why you did what you did. Everyone on this site has done things there ashamed of and wish they could change. We all have loved hard & been hurt...please know that if at any point you want to pm me to talk you can.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 25 2013 at 9:41pm
i agree with printer.

i know it may sound harsh they way she put it, but sometimes you have to be harsh and use action words/phrases to really get someone's attention.

at the end of the day, this man did not force her to have an abortion unless it was a physical act. he did however, pressure her into it.

bubbly, i guess my question in all of this is why did you allow him to pressure you into it knowing what your fertility issues were?  did you think he was going to walk away if you had the baby? 

when you say he behaved in such a manner that you decided to terminate the baby, that would just disgust me.  who wants a man that would put you threw that, knowing your struggles.

as someone said earlier, you will not see it now, but he actually did you a favor. Don't you think you are deserving of a man who will support you and love you forever? when the going got tough, he got gone.  

He does not deserve you! you have to turn this thing around and look at the positive. i know you said those thoughts of suicide are not over him, but you have allowed him to play a big part in it. a man who could not even be by you in your time of need and support you when you were pregnant with his child does not deserve another second of your energy.

you will get through this. allow yourself to go through the motions of rejection, guilt, denial, hurt, pain, etc. and then you have to work to put this behind you.

sometimes God will do things in your life to SHAKE YOU UP and get your attention. this was his way of telling you he has something bigger and better.  that loser was not it!

Life will get better. Focus on you and change those thoughts around. Your mind is a powerful tool, so it is important what you feed it!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 26 2013 at 3:31am
I am not trying to sound harsh. I get so tired of these grown women on BHM with all these supposed 'sensibilities' to the truth of what I am saying just because I am not saying it the way they want me to say it. Hee hee!
 
I am also tired of the GREAT VOLUME of grown as**** women on these threads with these rediculous stories about some man that dogged them out. I am thinking exactly what a lot of people are thinking which is  'Why in the HELL are you sitting there like a victim and allowing these men to dog you out?'
 
Leave. There is something going on on the INSIDE if you cannot recognize such predator type behaviour in the people in your life.
 
This is the QUESTION at issue here - why people stay in the company people that harm them verbally or in any way?
 
When you are with a ANYONE that talks to you in a shabby fashion, treats you badly, lies to you, cheats etc .. the answer to this is to walk away. The answer is not to hang around trying to get him to 'act right'. He is a rat. Ouch 
 
Me? I have a 3 LIE cutoff. If I catch him in 3 lies/or in some wrong doing it's over early on .. before I get involved. So you can't say you stay because you love him ... when you recognized he was a rat after the third date. It takes longer than 3 dates .. to fall in love.
 
You'd be surprised at how false people can be if you watch their body language, words and use your common sense. Gosh how many men have I caught LYING about what they do for a living?
 
I only deal with the truth.
 
Now if I was lonely, desparate or whatever.. I would EXCUSE bad behaviour and go out with these losers anyway because he is good looking, flattering and fun. My mother always said  - people SHOW you who they are early on, you just have to be able to see it.
 
Yes, I am trying to get the OP's attention. If it does not work - okay, fine I tried. But I am not gonna tiptoe around that big fking PINK ELEPHANT in middle of the room. Which is ... WHY the heck are you with a rat to begin with?  Ouch
 
I am very sorry she sees suicide as a real option .... but to be honest, nothing I say here is gonna stop her from taking her own life if she has already decided.
 
I said it in the very beginnng - she needs to see someone. Seriously. Clearly there is a lot going on with her.


Edited by Printer_Ink - Sep 26 2013 at 6:25am
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Jewelsnyc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 26 2013 at 11:59am

Printer, I'm not going to go back & forth with you about your post being tackles and crass because it's obvious that you lack the depth to comprehend. This is not the right thread to post your angst about the majority of bhm women and the lousy men they choose to love.

 
For whatever reason anonyimity of the net causes people to not consider others emotional wellbeing. The majority of the time your post seem more of a platform to exude just how "special" you really are....Stern Smile
 
If you think you're helping by regurgitating the obvious (I"m sure she's mulled over a million times) NEWS FLASH you're not. If you want to make a thread about why women pick or choose to stay with no good men, do so. This isn't the place for bashing the OP. She has enough on her plate.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 26 2013 at 12:03pm
I got my big girl panties on today cause Lord knows I have some real extra rawness I'd like to say all up & through here...but I won't.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 26 2013 at 4:38pm
As usual... the minute I saw my name and then 3 or 4 words of complaint ... I just tuned out without reading any further.
 
I have been doing this for years but the good folk on bhm ... can't seem to figure this out. (shrugs) Not my problem.
 
People are free to say whatever they like but then .. so am I and nobody has to actually .. agree. Confused
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