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bubblyboo View Drop Down
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    Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 7:39am
I'm not going to lie but I feel suicidal. I feel worthless and I am tired of living the bs life that I've been given.

I've wasted 14 years of my life with men that have gone beyond doing me wrong but this last one has brought me to a breaking point. My so of 4 years left me 6 months ago. He is now engaged. This has nothing to do with self esteem or anything like that. But I was not good enough to be someone's forever after 4 years of being together. Our own engagement was pushed off, pushed back nod eventually became non existent. The things I wanted is now someone else's to have. We were trying to get pregnant for almost a year. Just to add insult to injury i got pregnant and he made me feel so bad about it that I aborted right before he broke up with me.
No one understands how I feel but I do know that my life is not worth living anymore and it's deeper than just this but this is the breaking point.

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jonesable View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 8:22am
Bubblyboo have you talked with someone close to you about how you feel?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jewelsnyc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 8:37am
Originally posted by bubblyboo bubblyboo wrote:

I'm not going to lie but I feel suicidal. I feel worthless and I am tired of living the bs life that I've been given.

I've wasted 14 years of my life with men that have gone beyond doing me wrong but this last one has brought me to a breaking point. My so of 4 years left me 6 months ago. He is now engaged. This has nothing to do with self esteem or anything like that. But I was not good enough to be someone's forever after 4 years of being together. Our own engagement was pushed off, pushed back nod eventually became non existent. The things I wanted is now someone else's to have. We were trying to get pregnant for almost a year. Just to add insult to injury i got pregnant and he made me feel so bad about it that I aborted right before he broke up with me.
No one understands how I feel but I do know that my life is not worth living anymore and it's deeper than just this but this is the breaking point.

Hug
Bubbly. That is a very hard pill to swallow. Killing yourself isn't the answer. You've got to come to grips with what's happened and get some people that can support you daily until you can make it through. I'm sorry to hear your in pain, but please don't do anything so final as suicide.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 9:22am
You really need to see someone.
 
Seriously.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Lady ICE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 9:47am
Our own engagement was pushed off, pushed back nod eventually became non existent. The things I wanted is now someone else's to have


those were my own words at one point. i felt crazy..no i was crazy. i seriously lost it. i told ppl i wanted to drop dead. seriously. i walked my lousy feeling behind into a therapy session. i ranted and raved like..like a lunatic and walked out ok. maybe thats what you need to do. go see a professional. while she didnt do anything but listen to me, i felt better getting it off my chest. then id come to realize that it was over for a reason. perhaps something greater is going to happen to you down the line...but if you kill yourself(which im sure you wont..least i hope not) then you'll never know the joy of getting over it and having that victory. heck i changed my number, my email..so no one could contact me. eff closure you dont need it. get on with your life. at least if you dont get professional help...talk your moms/friends/aunts/uncles ears off. its part of the healing process. anyways i hope you find something that works for you.

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bubblyboo View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bubblyboo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 12:15pm
I talked to my mom about it as soon as I found out. t's like it was meant for me to see. I haven't been on Facebook in forever but was omw home and remembered to get in touch with a client who reached out to me via Facebook and when I opened the app it was smack dab in the middle like right there for me to see. Hard to describe but anyways I just felt so overwhelmed I drove straight to my moms house. I talked to my brother too. They don't understand.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote EasterBell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 1:30pm
Sorry that you are in pain.. I experienced something similar with my first love in the past (he wasn't my first relationship but the one I really loved).. We were together for 5 years and he left me for someone else. They ended up getting engaged and married.. I had some of the same feelings that you had.. Its not an easy cause you do feel like you were rejected and you wasted your time.. However, believe it or not, you actually gained experience and learned a lesson.. I know you won't be able to see that right now, but, trust in time, if you allow yourself to move on, you will heal and come out better for it.. Realize that things do happen for a reason.. Though you may have loved him, he probably wasn't the person for you.. Don't give up on yourself. What he did is not a reflection of you, so this is not your fault. In no way, should you be blaming yourself.. At this time, allow yourself to go through the emotions because it's all a part of the healing process.. Killing yourself (definitely over something that is not your fault) should not be an option. Don't let the actions of others drive you to end your own life.. All things happen for a reason. You can't see it now, but, in due time, you will understand.. So, go find things to occupy your time and allow you to move along in healing.. Perhaps, go seek counseling or keep a journal (to document your feelings).. With time and effort, you will get through it.. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brjasuga51 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 1:50pm
Originally posted by bubblyboo bubblyboo wrote:

I talked to my mom about it as soon as I found out. t's like it was meant for me to see. I haven't been on Facebook in forever but was omw home and remembered to get in touch with a client who reached out to me via Facebook and when I opened the app it was smack dab in the middle like right there for me to see. Hard to describe but anyways I just felt so overwhelmed I drove straight to my moms house. I talked to my brother too. They don't understand.
Not everyone will understand. Spend sometime reminding yourself that your life is valuable. You never get more than you can bare. Count this down as a life lesson. It will take time for your wound to heal. But you will heal. And you will be happy. Its a reason y and how you found out. Look at it like this...u found out before u entered into a bond that was suppose to mean TRUE LOVE
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 2:36pm
Why did you give your power to him?


Edited by sexyandfamous - Sep 24 2013 at 2:37pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Sep 24 2013 at 2:40pm
Ok, so there's more in your life than that ,that is causing you to feel suicidal.
Having a family is not the solution for your life, because having a baby is stressful and it won't bring you happiness.
You need to focus on yourself now, in fixing whatever problems you have in your life, so then you can focus on finding a worthy man who will be a great father to your future children.
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