Are you too giving and accommodating in your relationship? You may be setting it up to fail!
It is no secret that giving is a very important part of being in a
relationship. But what happens when you give too much? Is there such a
thing as being too accommodating, or too nice?
I like to think positively about every situation. I try to be
accommodating and understanding when something comes up in a
relationship that is an inconvenience to me, or that requires making
some sacrifice. And while I think this is an important personal trait, I
realize that it can have some negative consequences when presented in
excess. Here are four ways being too nice can ruin your relationship.
1. You’re not seeing the situation as it really is.
When you’re always looking through rose-colored glasses, you’re missing
the reality of your situation. Yes, it is important to focus on the
positive. But it is also important to recognize the negative, and weigh
it fairly. If you have your head in the happy clouds, you may miss signs
that the person you are dating isn’t interested in you or isn’t being respectful towards you.
2. You’re not showing your entire self. After a few
dates with someone recently, I realized that I had only shown the nice,
accommodating, giving side of myself. The tough Brooklyn girl didn’t
show up at all, and that’s just as much a part of who I am. Perhaps it
was the type of dates we had, or the deep conversation we entered into.
Whatever the reason, things have certainly fizzled between us and I
wonder if my good behavior was to blame.
3. Your behavior is not sustainable. People get used
to how we treat them, but it is not possible to maintain unbalanced
giving. At some point you’ll realize that you are giving more than your
partner, and you’ll pull back. Your partner will notice a change in your
behavior, and he’ll pull back too. It will be a downward spiral for the
4. You’re not perceived as a challenge. When you’re
always giving and accommodating, your partner may think he no longer has
to make any effort to keep you. He’ll think you will always be there,
no matter how he treats you. With this in mind, he’ll become less
concerned with your needs and wants. He’ll act more selfishly, and the
relationship will suffer.