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khivey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:06am
 Yes, I've been in a situation where I lived under the same roof as a man and he started to become abusive...I was far far away from home with no family nor friends and I bounced. Despite the begging and pleading. I have people close to me who have gone through it as well and some even had children by these men, but they left once the abuse started and although they must deal with the man due to the child, they keep a safe distance. 
I'm not sure who advised you to stay under the same roof as that man, especially after making the kind of reports that you say you have made because that explains so much. This man is going crazy and that is dangerous. 
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indiecat View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote indiecat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 2:46pm
Khivey, my dad has told me that if I leave in the middle of a court case, it will look like I voluntarily left and they won't order him to find a job and pay child support. I have been wanting to move home after my lease ends at the end of November, but that was my dads advice to wait out the court case. The baby's dad is currently staying with his parents and we are apart which is fine. he has been there a week and I am not in danger. emotionally, it's all bad though. it's not that easy in my situation. no mattr what, we won't be living together any longer.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 28 2013 at 6:01am
Originally posted by indiecat indiecat wrote:

Khivey, my dad has told me that if I leave in the middle of a court case, it will look like I voluntarily left and they won't order him to find a job and pay child support. I have been wanting to move home after my lease ends at the end of November, but that was my dads advice to wait out the court case. The baby's dad is currently staying with his parents and we are apart which is fine. he has been there a week and I am not in danger. emotionally, it's all bad though. it's not that easy in my situation. no mattr what, we won't be living together any longer.

Sorry but shame on your daddy for telling you to STAY and wait it out with a man who has been abusive to his daughter carrying his granddaughter. SHAME! I guess he just does not want you to come and live with him.

Listen, Indie. I work in nonprofit world and all the time work with pregnant women who have had to up and exit and leave abuse.  Have you considered a shelter?  I know this is the undesirable route, but at least you are safe and can get yourself together.

He is at his parents house now, but what about when he wants to come back? I don't understand why you guys are still sharing the same place until the end of Nov. that is one more full month.  You need to exit now! And please don't say its easier said than done, because I have seen women have to leave WITH kids and flee in the middle of the night just to escape abuse. At least with you, it is just you until the little one physically comes.

You really have to be strong and say "today is the day, i take the steps to reclaim my life back". Because at this point, it is dependent on others, you abusive child's father and your dad.
What about indie?

Is the court case for abuse?  And don't listen to what your dad said. You left that place because you are in fear of the life for you and your baby. You have police reports to back that up, you will be fine.  Leave now before it is too late. There are ladies on this board who have resources to get you out of that situation or even get you a one-way ticket elsewhere. Just as an FYI.


Please do what you have to do. If it means taking a step backward to take a few more forward, then please consider all options. He will not change.


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Spokenword View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 28 2013 at 6:03am
Originally posted by indiecat indiecat wrote:

Khivey, my dad has told me that if I leave in the middle of a court case, it will look like I voluntarily left and they won't order him to find a job and pay child support. I have been wanting to move home after my lease ends at the end of November, but that was my dads advice to wait out the court case. The baby's dad is currently staying with his parents and we are apart which is fine. he has been there a week and I am not in danger. emotionally, it's all bad though. it's not that easy in my situation. no mattr what, we won't be living together any longer.

also, the baby is not even born. once the baby is born (which you still have a few more months to go), you take that ass for child support regardless.   but you cannot file now when the baby is not even here yet.
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khivey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 28 2013 at 11:19am
THANK YOU SPOKENWORD! 
That was the worst advice ever and either there is MORE to this story that she hasn't written or her father really doesn't want her to come stay with him, which is crazy because in this day and age...women are getting murdered left and right by the baby dad, husband, boyfriend ....it just sounds way left field and she is telling doctors and police on him all while staying there...it just sounds like she created a danger zone and not one person advised her to stay in a shelter or refer her to a program of some sort. I know they are out there and from what she has been describing..it just doesn't add up why she is still there. 
Indie girl I think you want to be there hun, I think you believe that if you just stay and work it out he will come around and things will get better. I think you are just as crazy as he is, if not crazier... 

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indiecat View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote indiecat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 29 2013 at 12:20am
I tried to make things work, I wanted a family and reality is hitting me that he's not gonna change. I have a month to pack and move. It's not that my dad doesn't want me home, he can be old fashioned. He believes that since we have a kid, then we should work things out, but I have shown him evidence of what this man does. the last thing he wanted was for me to run home, but it has to happen. he just thought that the court will put this man in jail and is feel safe again after that. My dad is going through health problems and this is a lot for him to deal with, but he's coming around and realizing that I need to come home, that I'm not joking.

Domestic violence shelters- I have called them before afraid to come home. I end up calling places and being told there isn't enough space a d referred to another number. Before you know it, I have a paper full of numbers and none have space. you have to be very persistent to find a shelter. I am staying out my last month here since I paid my rent. I am already due to move out in a month. the man, he has not been here except to move his stuff out while I'm at work. i would rather finish out my month and then leave. I have been told to go into a shelter or to move back home by my social worker. I am safe right now though and will be gone soon. I need to pack and tie up loose ends here. the landlord is protecting me pretty much, so I will be safe .
And yes, his court case is for domestic violence. It will happen November 4th.

I never thought I'd be going through this. I think I am in shock.

Edited by indiecat - Oct 29 2013 at 12:22am
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slykitten View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote slykitten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 01 2013 at 6:58am
I hope everything works out for you, indiecat.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote colemlrch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 03 2013 at 1:41pm
I've been sexing this guy for about 6 months and he has an off/on girlfriend. Anyway NONE of his friends like her and ALL of them have been tryna get us to hook up talmbout how good a couple we make together blahhh.... I'm just like if he cheats on her with me he'll do the reverse to me. He's immature and unestablished but that doesn't mean I dont like him. I'm just a female who doesn't have trouble separating my feelings from things and I kinda have done that already with him... I can't believe all this outside pressure though!! I'll just stick to the peen for now though...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote slykitten Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 03 2013 at 4:13pm
This thread reminds me of why I stopped coming to this section for a while Cry
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 03 2013 at 4:57pm
He told me yesterday how he felt tempted to cheat his ex when she wasn't having s.e.x with him, and now I started to wonder if he has those thoughts about me too.
She was the love of his life, i don't care how many times he says i am the one, it seems like she was the one he loved the most, of all his exes. i don't think his actions show enough love. i am just now wondering..if he almost cheated on the love of his life, wouldn't he cheat on me?

That's why I cannot and will not put him first. It is always me, and only me. I matter, not him. If I put him first (like I used to do with my exes), I will suffer a lot.
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