I'm guilty of quite a few of them
1 Fraternities and Sororities
Educated Black people like to talk about which fraternity (also
called a ”frat”) or sorority they pledged in college. Some of them even
go to college with the intent to pledge a Greek lettered organization,
then drop out of school. Unlike predominately white fraternities or
sororities, these Black Greek letter organizations (or “BGLOs”) are for
life. Many members wear Greek paraphernalia well into old age. They even
continue to attend their organization’s regional and national
All members of these Greek organizations love to talk about how hard
they pledged and continually state how much they dislike other members
who did not pledge as hard as they did. There have also been a few
whites people who have crossed racial lines and joined a BGLO. Of
course, this person was pledged harder than any other person because
they have to pay for all injustices whites have committed against
If you are non-Black and encounter a Black person wearing a shirt or
something that reflects their Greek organization, tell them how much you
love their organization and the community service it does. Never say,
“I love those dances you guys do!” It’s like saying, “I love to watch
you black people dance because all black people have such good rhythm
and know how to dance.” You will appear racist and never have that
person as a friend. Also as a non-Greek, Black or not, you are NOT
allowed to wear Greek paraphernalia. Greek organizations are not sports
teams; therefore, you shouldn’t wear the organization’s colors to show
Educated Black Greeks often look at pledging as a right of
passage–their educational experience was enhanced because they “went
Greek.” When someone talks about their experience, always look as though
you are interested and truly care because this is very important to
Educated Black people like Neo Soul.
For those of you who don’t know what this genre of music is about, I have included a short description.
Neo soul (also known as nu soul) is a music genre and an umbrella term for current soul music. The music is usually a hybrid of 1970s-influenced soul music with influences from jazz, funk, hip hop house music. The term neo soul was originated by Kedar Massenburg of Motown Records in the late 1990s.
Neo soul’s audience tends to be underground, preferring that the music
favor underground credibility and soulfulness over mainstream
popularity. Some musicians who create what is described as neo-soul
prefer to disassociate themselves from the tag, due to the term’s buzzword-like usage. Some of these artists simply refer to themselves as soul artists.
Neo Soul music makes educated black people feel like they are getting
in on music that regular blacks don’t know about. The most popular neo
soul artist is Erykah Badu….even though some of us may feel she’s a
little bit crazy. Some educated Blacks have distanced themselves from
Ms. Badu because too many people know about her. Neo Soul allows these
educated blacks to feel they are the only people who know about these
artists and are the only ones educated enough to understand this music.
Once an artist “catches on,” it’s time to move on to the next
Other popular neo soul artists are: Angie Stone, Musiq Soulchild, Jill Scott, Macy Gray, Alice Smith, Goapele, India.Arie, Davina, Pru, Raphael Saadiq, Alice Smith, Jazzyfatnastees, Adriana Evans, Ursula Rucker, Rhian Benson and Martha Redbone.
If you want to take an educated black friend to a concert, pick one of
these artists. You will definitely be loved by them automatically. You
should even comment on the release of a new CD by one of these artists.
It’ll show how well you understand educated Black culture. You may even
get invited to a listening party. Then, you’ll really be down with the
educated Black crowd!
#3 Baked Chicken
We’ve all heard the joke that all black people love fried chicken.
That’s not true. EVERYBODY loves fried chicken – white or black. It’s
even on the buffet at Chinese restaurants! So let’s just scratch that
idea right now.
Educated Black People have a more sophisticated taste. We like BAKED
CHICKEN. Some even go so far as to use lemon pepper seasonings, but
this is only for the upper echelon blacks with advanced degrees, so
don’t try this at home if you only have an undergraduate degree. Now if
you want to really show off your education, bake chicken breasts only! Most educated blacks prefer their chicken breasts with a side of rice and a vegetable.
By eating baked chicken, we educated Blacks feel as though we are
beyond the stigma of eating common fried chicken. If you are a white
person and are having your educated Black friends over, bake some
chicken. But be careful because we cannot stand dry baked
chicken. Baked chicken should be moist, so cover it with foil paper as
you cook it. Also white people, never offer a black person fried
chicken, you will probably get cursed out.
It must also be pointed out that baking chicken is much healthier
than frying it. That’s something you should already know. This means
that by eating baked chicken instead of fried, educated Blacks
are ensuring that they will live longer than those without any type of
higher educational learning. It also shows that we are more
sophisticated and can use the oven for things other than baking those
pies that white people love.
Educated Black People LOVE poetry slams. Poetry slams are events where
either professional poets or audience members get up and recite
original poems, songs and speeches. Educated black people are large
attendees of these “slams” because we believe that this form of
entertainment is much better then going to a bar, listening to music,
enjoying a long walk, or anything else that uncultured people enjoy.
It also allows us to show off our verbal rhythm, because true slam
poets……..always…….talklikethis ……because if you don’t…..thenyouare…..
a…..FAKE…..poet *thoughtful look*.
The best thing about slam poetry is anybody can participate, no
matter the race! If you watch the Educated black people-approved “Def
Poetry Jam”, you will see all sorts of races participating on the show.
Non-black people have to remember that if you sit on the front row, the
poet will pick that opportunity to say the one poem that will make you
feel bad about all the things you’ve said about we educated black
people, so BEWARE!
Another good thing about poetry slams could be the showcase they
provide for the numerous things we like: natural hair, Afrocentric wear,
tattoos with African symbolism, special teas, the black power sign,
etc. If a non-white person wants to bask in the glory that comes from
educated black people, attending a poetry slam is the way to go.
Educated Black people like advanced degrees. What better way to show
that you are educated than to get a slew of degrees to prove it!
Educated Black people typically like to obtain their advanced degrees
from universities that they find to be reputable. They have nothing
against University of Phoenix, but something just doesn’t seem quite right about
that place. It reminds them of those “degree mills” that you hear
about. And educated black people must separate themselves from all the
pseudo-educated people, so they need advanced degrees from bigger and
Typically educated Black people obtain undergraduate degrees from
HBCU’s (look it up if you don’t know), then go on to pursue Master or
Doctoral degrees at universities where they are in the minority. This is
because, by this time, educated Blacks have pledged their beloved
fraternities or sororities, so there’s nothing else to do except
concentrate on that advanced degree.
Educated Black People also enjoy mentioning to others that they are
getting an advanced degree. Most educated Black males use this as a
pick-up line for undergraduate females. The conversation generally goes
something like this: The guy will go to the student union where the
undergrads hang out. He will approach a female he likes and say, “Hi,
I’ve never seen you around here.” The clueless undergrad will respond,
“I haven’t seen you before either.” BINGO! This excites the male because
he knows he has the perfect response, “Oh, that’s because I’m in the
Law School/Business School.” The clueless female will probably fall for
the line and end up listening to this educated Black male talk about his
advanced degree for an extended amount of time. He may even get lucky
and get a date out of it. JACKPOT!
Educated Black people Like town homes.
When an educated Black person gets a new job upon graduation, they
usually purchase a town home. This is a symbol of status. It’s the
convenience of a starter home without the burden of doing yard work. In
places like New York, most educated Blacks will purchase a brownstone.
A town home is a symbol of status because it shows the world that
they have “made it.” Their education has paid off–they are living the
American Dream. Once the educated Blacks move into the town home, they
will have what is called a “house warming party.” Usually other educated
Blacks and a few of the acceptable white friends from work will be
invited. However, there may be a separate party for the new homeowner’s
family. This is usually because the educated Blacks do not want their
family mixing with their friends from work because this typically
produces some type of embarrassing situation–probably resulting in Uncle
Joe getting drunk and hitting on a friend of the homeowner.
If you are invited to a house warming party for an educated Black
person, you are required to bring a gift for the home. One of the safest
gifts is a house plant; perhaps an ivy. If you are a non-Black,
never EVER bring Black art–you are stereotyping your educated Black
friend and will probably lose them as a friend.
It is a must to compliment the size of the home, even if your
bathroom is bigger than the entire house. This will make the homeowner
feel proud of their purchase and ease the anxiety that they are having
knowing it will take them 30 years to pay for it!
Educated Black People Like Barack Obama, but it’s not for the reasons you think.
Yes, Obama is an Educated Black Person, so of course we LOVE him.
However, there are other reasons educated blacks like the Senator from
Illinois. Another reason is that he’s the first Black person to run for
public office without going all Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson
on America. Obama has not once gotten the NAACP or Black Panthers
involved in his campaign. We also like him because he has not solicited
their help in his campaign for the Presidency; because educated blacks
know that these two men would hurt rather than help Obama’s campaign. Al
and Jesse are educated black people, so we like them; but educated
blacks can only stand these two in moderation. All the yelling and
rhyming annoys educated black people.
When discussing politics with an educated black person, do not
automatically assume they are a supporter of Senator Obama. This is
almost insulting because you are basically saying that because Obama is
black and they are black, the two must go together. Allow your educated
black friend to discuss the issues that concern them and they will
usually tell you that they support Obama because of how he stands on
national issues. It is important for an educated black person to explain
why they like Obama, so that they can separate themselves from
the uneducated or other blacks who like Obama just because he’s black.
#8 Talking About Uneducated Black People
Besides themselves, EBP like talking about uneducated Blacks who
disgrace their race. Most EBP hate those Blacks who are loud in public
and draw unnecessary attention to themselves. EBP especially get
embarrassed when they are out with their white friends and they run into
an uneducated Black person. They usually want to run over and slap the
uneducated Black in order to stop whatever stupid behavior they are
doing, but of course, this would not be very educated of them.
Most educated Blacks are embarrassed by the loud music and large rims
uneducated blacks seem to love. Another favorite is poor grammar, which
is usually spoken very loudly. When a group of EBP get together, they
typically talk about all the uneducated Blacks they saw that day.
Conversations on this topic can go on for hours and can range from
slippers to do-rags worn in public! With uneducated Blacks constantly
doing embarrassing things, this is a never ending conversation.
While this is standard conversation for EBP, white people should
never engage in this type of discussion. White people will come off as
prejudiced, which is something educated Black people hate. If a white
person says something derogatory about an uneducated Black, their
educated Black friend will quickly become uneducated and proceed to
curse that white person out.
So the moral of the story is: White people talk about uneducated
Blacks in the privacy of your home if you want to keep your token
educated Black friends.
*We are sure our readers will have a lot to say about this post; that’ why we kept it short.
Today is a special day in the hearts of Educated Black People, for it’s their favorite day of the month: FIRST FRIDAY!
Unlike uneducated black people and their love affair with the 1st and 15th
of every month, educated Black People wait in anticipation for the
First Friday. This is the day that upscale events are held so educated
black people can mingle among others of their social ilk. These events
usually have themes, allowing educated black people to purchase new
designer clothing to fit in. First Fridays are so big that there is a national website
promoting all the cities that have them. First Fridays are usually
broken up into two sessions: a two hour block dedicated to exchanging business cards and the actual party.
The two hour card exchange allows educated black people to enjoy some of the things that they love: foreign wines, neo-soul and business cards. It also allows the more power- educated black people (i.e. Director, CEO, COO) to separate themselves from the up and coming
educated black people (i.e. assistant, officer, specialist). Remember
that educated black people like to separate themselves, even while they
The actual party is usually a fashion show, performance or other type of
entertainment that allows educated black people to mingle without
really having to socialize. One of the highlights of the party period is
spotting the uneducated black people who are trying to blend in. If you
see a man in a suit with a cheap chain or a woman with multi-colored
“dress clothes” on, then you’ve found the uneducated stunnas. At this
point, most of the EBP will get together to talk about these unwelcome
Finally, First Fridays are a great place for white people to come out
and have a good time with educated black people and discuss important
issues such as liberalism, coffee w/ three creams and good health
insurance. With this in mind, have a GREAT time tonight!
Educated Black People like getting dressed up. No matter the event or
time of day, EBP will over-dress. EBP will spend half of their salary,
maybe more, on a new outfit for a party, family reunion, or even a
school play. Even if the event is casual, an educated black male will
usually wear a necktie, maybe a suit, if its after 5 p.m. When
considering to over-dress, the EBP will think about who will be at the
event and how much they need to impress those persons.
Also, an EBP finds the need to purchase name-brand or designer
clothing. Although very expensive, its all worth it when someone comes
up to the EBP and asks them where they bought the outfit or who is the
designer. Most educated black males revel in purchasing expensive
designer suits, neckties, shoes and briefcases; while most educated
black females purchase expensive designer handbags and shoes.
Once an EBP has decided what to wear it’s time to head out to the
event. If it is a party, an EBP will usually arrive during the mingling
period to distribute business cards and model his/her outfit. A male
will probably be wearing a tailored suit and freshly polished shoes; he
can probably be smelled before he is seen, because of the distinct smell
of his “expensive” cologne. A woman will make sure that every person
can get a look at her subtle business “freakem” attire. A EBP will spare
no expense in impressing the crowd. Even at a house party, an EBP can
be spotted because they will probably be wearing a pair of slacks and
dress shoes instead of jeans and casual shoes. Introduction of yourself
will prompt an EBP to introduce himself/herself and produce a business
card after a brief conversation.
There is one event that an EBP loves to attend: a high school
reunion. It cannot be predicted what an EBP will wear to this event, but
just know that it will be totally unnecessary. This is a time for the
EBP to really shine, really show all his/her old teachers and classmates
they have “made it”. EBPs will wear their best clothes, to show their
former classmates that the old days have passed.
EBP like to dress up to show that they are more advanced than other
blacks who think dressing up is wearing a button-down shirt with a pair
of heavily starched jeans or the tightest jeans they can fit into paired
with a brightly colored tube-top.
There is a need of EBP to show how educated or advanced they are in
order to separate themselves from other blacks. Complementing an EBP on
his/her clothing is the best thing someone can do if they want to become
friends with an EBP. It shows that you have an appreciation for fine
clothing and that you understand how difficult it was them to choose
One will only need to be in the company of an EBP for a short time
before they hear about the EBPs love for jazz. Jazz has the uncanny
ability of touching an EBP’s inner soul and heart, and making them feel
them feel the pains and problems of the past. It is also the preferred
date, as it shows true sophistication and understanding, while always
impressing the ladies. EBPs feel like that they cannot be at regular
radio-promoted parties, and will drive thru hell to find the newly found
jazz club. Once there, they can sip wine and hear a failed musician
play covers of the great jazz artists. Afterwards, the EBP can discuss
the “tone” and “depth” of the music like a seasoned critic.
The one thing with jazz, is that most people only know a handful of
artists. Whenever an EBP discusses jazz with friends, it is a lock that
they will say one of the following names as their favorite artist:
Coltrane, Armstrong, Ellington, Simone or Davis. Any other names will
show that they are not truly “lovers” of the jazz movement. EBPs will
also make sure any trips to Memphis, Chicago and New Orleans include a
stop to an authentic jazz club so they can brag to their friends about
how they were able to see the roots of the genre. If anybody wants to
start a long term friendship/relationship with an EBP, it must start
with a trip to a jazz night. Afterwards, you have them hooked for life.
EBP like weddings. They enjoy the Pomp and Circumstance that comes
along with an EBP wedding; an invitation only affair, filled with other
EBP. Making weddings exclusive events are a favorite of EBP.
Long gone are the days of a traditional church wedding. The advanced
EBP now enjoy “destination weddings”. They can prevent the undesirables
from attending because they usually cannot afford it and don’t own a
passport. The wedding will probably be held on a beach somewhere and
there will be specific attire – usually linen, maybe even white linen.
In an effort to “keep it real”, EBP will include the jumping of the broom ritual. It validates their blackness as a couple.
If you don’t understand what’s going on, watch The Best Man, The Wood,
or any other movie about EBP. If you’ve never seen this ceremony before,
or even if you have, ask the new couple how they thought of the idea or
tell them how creative it was to include this in their ceremony. Your
compliments will make them feel super special, because no one else could
have had this ritual at their ceremony.
EBP will go to extreme lengths to show off on this special day. They
usually give away strange wedding favors: note pads, pencils, pens,
chocolate candy, or bottles of water; all with the couples name and date
of the wedding. How else are you going to remember the good time you
had at the wedding?
In another effort to make their weddings exclusive, they may impose a
restriction of not allowing any child under the age of 13 into the
reception or making the wedding black tie attire. For nothing makes EBP
happier than to know that people are talking about their wedding;
whether discussing what to wear or how dare they not allow you to bring
your 5 kids all under 10 years old – because you don’t want to cook
tonight and they can eat for free at the wedding.
At the reception it is important to compliment your hosts on how nice
the ceremony was and mention that they must have spent a fortune on the
entire thing. This will win you points with your educated black friend
because it will help them validate the truck load of money they spent
and confirm your friendship because only a true EB friend would spend
thousands of dollars to go to someone else’s wedding.
EBP like Oprah. She has an exceptional ability that most other EBP
wish they had – the ability to hold the attention of people and make
them do, like, or buy just about anything. Oprah is educated and pulled
herself up from nothing to be one of the most notable names in the
EBP are constantly fighting at work or any place else to get ahead
and/or be heard, while Oprah can tell white people to read a book or buy
a CD and they do it without second thought. How else do you think Jamie
Foxx sold so many albums? Oprah! And of course, don’t forget Tom
Cruise’s hopping on the couch incident. What other black woman do you
know that can make a rich, white man go crazy like he did without
holding a gun or knife in her hand? It goes without saying that she can
make white people famous. Not even white people cared about Dr. Phil or
Racheal Ray until Oprah said they were acceptable white people.
If you are black and having problems getting a job/promotion or
trying to obtain a loan, write to Oprah and ask her to do a show about
how good it is to hire blacks or loan them money. Either the
employer/loan officer or his wife will watch the episode and decide to
follow Oprah’s suggestions. Look for your success to follow soon. White
people follow Oprah like the Pied Piper! EBP like Oprah because she’s
powerful, rich, and kicked Stedman’s trifling self out!
It isn’t necessary for whites to comment to an EBP how much they love
Oprah, they already know you do, even if the white person doesn’t know
Educated Black People Like correcting others. It does not matter the
topic or situation, an EBP will never miss an opportunity to correct
someone else. Hell, they’ll probably correct this post. An EBP will stop
at nothing to show off their so called “educated” status. Whether it be
correcting a co-worker on a point of information, or telling their 90
year old grandmother that it’s pronounced “sink” and not “zink”; an EBP
knows no boundaries.
As soon as an EBP has completed one semester of college, they’ll
behave as though they have just obtained a Ph.D in Everything; even
though their GPA was a 2.0 and they never went to class. They will
automatically become an expert on spelling, grammar, rocket science, and
of course African studies. These EBP come home from college
anticipating the opportunity for a family or church member to make a
mistake. Watch outRev. Jeremiah Wright! The degree to which an
EBP corrects others depends on whether they are attending or have
attended an HBCU or a majority white institution. If the EBP has
attented a majority white university, they will be on correction
overload; being around all those white students gives them a feeling of
superiority to other blacks. They will even correct and attack other EBP
who attend HBCUs. It does not matter where the mistake occurs, an EBP
will loudly correct the person; embarrassing the non-EBP won’t matter as
long as the EBP has had his time to shine. Correcting others gives them
a sense that they are somehow better than the other person; which
totally isn’t true. They may even sit down with a group of friends and
point out the errors in grammar and pronunciation on what else, BET. It
validates their “educatedness”.
Besides learning current events, EBP watch CNN
or other world news channels so that they can be fully informed when
the opportunity to correct someone arises. On the other hand, an EBP may
correct someone else only on a certain subject – because that’s the
only thing they know about.
If you are corrected by an EBP, thank them for pointing out your
error and tell them that they must be really smart; even though you
really want to smack them for embarrassing you.
Educated Black People Like Facebook. This is the social networking
site of choice for most EBP. Not the Facebook of today, but the
Facebook, pre-2005, when only college students aka “educated people”
could join and there weren’t all those new applications to add to your
profile. In the good old days, one had to have a valid college email
address to join, now “everyone can join”. The reason most EBP loved
Facebook back then, was because of the exclusivity it offered. Today, as
the login page exclaims, “Everyone Can Join!” Also thrown in is “its
FREE”; that four letter word makes every EBP cringe with disgust;
because if its free, the site will be flooded with undesirables.
However, Facebook is still popular among the EBP community because of
certain features. Facebook allows its users to limit the information
others see on their profile; because some users only accept your friend
request so they can spy on your personal life. Some of you may be being
stalked by your ex – boyfriend/girlfriend/roommate right now! This
limited profile feature allows EBP to network without putting all their
personal information out for casual associates to view. Never add random
people to your friend list, for it will only result in being SuperPoked
on every major or minor holiday.
Most EBP tend to stay away from MySpace; it has become the ghetto of
the Internet. It has become a center for fights at school and even
pedophilia. Not to mention the music and hideous backgrounds that must
be loaded each time you view a person’s page, and the random
glitter-filled messages from strangers “showing your page some love”!
Let’s not even talk about blackplanet. These days, only those
incarcerated individuals in correctional institutions with internet
access are on this “networking”/”hook-up” site. However, it was one of
the original sites targeted toward African Americans.
For a large number of potential EBP in high school, Howard University
is their Mecca. Throughout the long selection process, Howard is viewed
in the same light as a move to Atlanta.
If the potential EBP is lucky enough, they will be invited to a HU
“College Night” where alumni will come to speak about the greatness of
Howard. The alum will probably be dressed in a bow tie and tweed jacket,
and will speak with their nose slightly in the air. They will discuss
the greatness of HU, and how only a chosen few are able to walk the
halls. Most potential EBPs will look at the alum crazy, but a few will
contemplate how THEY would look in tweed.
Most EBPs have a unique relationship with Howard U., stemming from that
fact that it is a great institution of learning. While EBP can
acknowledge the educational benefits, they get tired of listening to
Howard alums brag upon the school as if it is the end all of
universities. If an observer wants to see “pointed debate”, “retinal
retraction”, & “constructive criticism” (i.e.
“arguments”,”eye-rolling” & “hating”) at its finest, insert a HU
alum into a group of EBP who are discussing their alma maters.
While the accomplishments and alums from Howard cannot be argued, EBP do
not like someone reminding them of this constantly. The experiences at
many universities are interchangeable and just switching the dorm name,
chapter letters and nickname for the Quad will make a generic story to
fit the EBP college experience. Using this line of logic, there isn’t
much difference between Howard U. and Stillman College other than Howard
is a top 100 school and Stillman students apparently can’t write.
For non-EBP, remember Howard U., as any black history quizzes will have a
question that can be answered using it. It is equally important to
remember the pride that EBP have for their alma mater, and assuming
that all EBP go to Howard will earn the “WTF!” face from many.
Educated Black People like spas. There are many reasons why EBP like
spas, but the main reason is that they offer exclusivity – the one thing
an EBP constantly craves. They can make appointments, arrive 5 minutes early
and be worked on immediately. An EBP would not be caught dead in a
typical(nobody speaks English) nail salon(shop) to get a manicure and/or
pedicure; those are the only services they offer. Anybody off the
street can walk into one of those places and get their “nails did.”EBP
like being well-groomed, so a spa is their only choice. Also the spa
does not attract the fake nail wearing types because they usually don’t
offer those services – a French manicure is the preferred option for the
EBW. EBP are not fans of the neon-colored nails with the diamonds glued
on; that would be uneducated and just tacky.
Paying a little extra for this exclusivity, does not bother an EBP.
In fact they often brag about going to the spa, just so you can know
they paid extra for the “spa experience.” Getting a manicure and
pedicure are not the only services offered at a spa, many EBP enjoy the
massages, facials, and waxing services. EBP enjoy getting pampered
because they spend all day grinding to keep that EBP status. Going to a
spa allows an EBP to relax and reflect on their lives and think of how
to become even more educated. They can enjoy a sip of wine while getting
a pedicure or have lunch without having to worry about some UEBP acting
up in the spa by talking loudly or bringing their bad kids into the
If one wants to befriend and EBP, suggest a spa day. They will never
turn you down. It will probably become a monthly routine for you and
your new EB friend. In fact, the gift of a spa day/weekend is the best
gift a man can give an EBW – it is also an excellent get of jail free
Educated Black People like MegaChurches. There’s something about
these churches that draw EBP in large numbers. The
Pastors/Reverends/Bishops at the Mega Churches usually have advanced degrees in
Divinity called a Doctor of Divinity. These church leaders usually use
words with several syllables – something that EBP love. An example of
these words would be: multiplicity, bewildered, extravagance,
annihilate, and repercussions. If there is a B or C list celebrity that
is a member of the church, it is likely that they will be mentioned in a
few sermons throughout the year. This is usually done to draw more
members to the congregation of 300,000.
When attending church EBP usually wear business attire -“work
clothes.” It shows they are more refined and that the Steve Harvey suits
or purple suit with matching hat, shoes and purse are not acceptable
for EBP status.
Attending services is very stressful on the EBP because it is
difficult to concentrate on “the word” and not talk about others.
However, Mega Churches have a solution for this problem – the overflow
room. The church’s staff of ushers, all wearing white gloves, usually
directs those that are inappropriately dressed to the overflow room.
Yes, it says “come as you are”, but please don’t go out and buy and
outfit that is club-worthy to wear to church.
When it comes to tithing, EBP are very careful to always give the
full 10% as it serves a dual purpose. Tithing gives them the opportunity
to follow the scripture and it also allows them to show off their
salary to the finance committee without actually “showing off.”
Mega Churches usually have several services on Sundays. This allows
the EBP to attend church early or later depending on when they would
like to eat their lunch of baked chicken or attend a Jazz brunch.
If you are ever invited to attend a Mega Church by an EBP, always
accept the invitation if you can. On holidays, it is important to early,
as there will be a large number of people trying to get to church; they
feel they will go to Hell if they don’t attend on the major holidays of
Christmas and Easter. There is nothing more disrespectful than turning
down an invitation to attend church, because the church family is their
extended family of thousands; and you have to meet all of them. They may
even ask you to join the congregation, but that is your call. Much like
attending an HBCU, do you have enough clothes to attend a Mega Church?
#19 Displaying Photographs
Whenever someone visits the home or office of an EBP, they will
notice that photographs are usually displayed. While this is a normal
practice for all races, EBP do things a little differently. At first
glance one will notice the pictures of family members; then, it will be
spotted, perhaps in its own distinctive frame. It is a picture of your
host shaking hands or in a casual pose with a celebrity. However, it
will not be just any celebrity. The celebrity will be someone that is
important to EBP culture; a jazz artist, politician, actor, author or famous Pastor/Reverend.
EBP like displaying these photographs because they are a great
conversation starter. It allows them to tell you the story of how they
came to meet said celebrity and pose for a photo opportunity. EBP love
telling stories. They will tell you that it was just a chance meeting,
but in reality they spent months stalking the celeb on the internet or
plotting to attend a rally, meeting or book signing just for a chance to
get in a picture. Your EBP host will probably tell you that they were
the only person the celebrity took a photograph with, but really there
was a line of people taking photographs. Also, your EBP host may tell
you that they met the celebrity before they “made it big.” EBP love to
say they knew a celebrity before they were incredibly popular.
It is important to note that EBP do take photographs with
other celebrities, but they will not be prominently displayed at their
home or office. These other celebrities will include rappers, singers or
athletes who are less than desirable. However, photographs with certain
athletes are acceptable. This list would include: Michael Jordan, Magic
Johnson, Ahmad Rashad or Donovan McNabb; all non-controversial Black
celebrities. EBP cannot stand controversial Black people in the news.
Extra points are awarded if the celebrity is an alum of the EBP’s HBCU.
There are also certain celebrities that EBP spend a lifetime trying
to get a photo opportunity with; the Holy Grail of EBP celebrity
photographs with: Barack Obama, Bill Cosby, Oprah,
Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. If an EBP is lucky enough to meet one
of these individuals, you will know immediately; for they will email all
their friends and family the picture as soon as they get home. It may
even become their profile picture on Facebook.
It is always important to look at an EBP’s photographs and make positive
comments and ask questions. Your comments and questions are a form of
validation for their EBP status – for these celebrities don’t take
pictures with just anyone.
#20 Wine & Cheese Affairs
If you are an EBP, chances are you have attended a wine and cheese
affair. It all starts with an invitation. This will not be a phone call,
text or paper invitation. It will be an Evite; other methods of
invitation are unacceptable for EBP. Only real EBP know what an Evite
is. Your host will make the event as discreet as possible by only
inviting a select few. The Evite will usually indicate that the event is
private and you are not allowed to bring guests without permission. The
small number of guests is to keep the event exclusive and to keep the
crowd in control so that wine is not spilled on the new carpet of your
host’s town home. Once you have accepted the Evite, you may get a call
from your host reminding you not to tell anybody about the party; this
will make you feel like one of the “chosen.”
On the day of the wine and cheese affair, EBP will pick out a very nice outfit,
because this is a classy affair. It is important to note that not all
EBP like wine and cheese affairs because of the limitation on alcohol to
wine. Therefore, after getting dressed, a few of the invited guests
will have a “pre-party” or pep-rally, in which they engage in drinking
the alcoholic beverage of their choice and eat a full meal, probably baked chicken, because nobody gets a full stomach at a wine and cheese affair.
Upon arrival at the event, guests will be greeted by dim lights, candles and jazz playing
in the background. Once a majority of the guests have arrived, there
will probably be a poetry reading; if your host is bold – erotic poetry.
Guests will then be allowed to enjoy the actual wine and cheese. The
eating, drinking and mingling will go on for an hour or two until
somebody gets bored. It is at this point someone will change the CD from
jazz to R&B; it will usually be a date of an invited EBP or one of
the host’s friends from high school. This excites the guests and few may
start dancing a little. At this point the guests forget they are at a
classy wine and cheese affair and think they are at a regular house
party. The non-EBP that changed the CD has solicited others to play a
game of spades or dominoes, depending on your geographic location and
has plugged his MP3 player into the stereo- Lil’ Wayne or Plies all
night. The exclusivity that existed at the beginning no longer exists,
as guests have gotten drunk and called uninvited people to the affair.
It has become – a house party. What was once a guest list of 20, has
swelled to a party of 75-100 people. There’s no need to worry about the
carpet now, just get the steam cleaner ready!
If you are invited to an EBP wine and cheese affair, remember to
dress appropriately, but also be prepared for a series of unfortunate
events as the night progresses. Also, don’t forget to accept the Evite,
your host will be disgusted and call you classless if you just show up.
EBP have the same problems as UEBP or WP. However, EBP take pride in
hiding their drama from friends or co-workers. By allowing their drama
to be brought into public light, EBP appear nothing more than the UEBP
stereotypes portrayed by the media. Whether it be man problems, problems
at work or catty-chick stuff; EBP will go to great lengths to protect
their polished EBP public appearance. For there is nothing more
embarrassing than to have an irate “ex” or co-worker scream or shout at
the EBP in a public place. It is important to note that the EBP wants to
shout back or fight, but that would make him/her an UEBP and destroy
his EBP status.
So what does an EBP do when confronted with drama in public? He or
she walks away in disgust. There is nothing more “educated” than to not
give any response to such comments. If there is an audience of WP or AP,
they will immediately comfort the EBP and congratulate him or her for
remaining calm, because that’s exactly what they would
have done. The EBP will respond by saying the irate person has mental
problems and probably didn’t take their medicine today.
However, on the inside, the EBP is truly hurt. How could someone
attempt to ruin his EBP status with their loud rantings? Soon after the
confrontation, the EBP will begin seeing a psychologist or therapist, if
he isn’t already. This will allow the EBP to let out his true feelings
without being judged by an audience. This is a difficult thing for the
EBP to do, because it is likely that the therapist is a white male. The
EBP wants to get out his feelings, but it is difficult to air your dirty
laundry without thinking the therapist is judging you. However, this
feeling is soon lost when the EBP realizes that his is paying hundreds
of dollars to not be judged.
Drama is a big part of the lives of EBP, but most of the public will never know.
For those EBP who manage to survive law school, graduation comes with
feelings of mixed emotions. Of course they are happy to be done with
the 3 year ass whipping that is law school, but are also dreading the
preparation to study for the Bar exam.
During the time when an EBP is studying for the Bar, they will not be
visible to their social circle, unless it consists of other EBP
studying for the Bar. Many of you may not even know your EBP friend is
studying for the Bar. There is good reason for this. An EBP will not
tell many people that he/she is studying for the Bar, because the next
thing out of the other person’s mouth will be, “When are the results
coming out?” I hated that question. It’s like saying, “Let me know, so I
can talk about you behind your back if you fail.”
In contrast, once an EBP has passed the Bar, all hell breaks out.
Everybody in the world will know. It will be in theie status on
Facebook, AIM or whatever instant message program they use. If you know
an EBP who took the Bar and passed, you will probably be part of a mass
text message informing you of their passing. The pastor will announce it
in church and their parents will call every relative they hate or never
talked to, to rub it in their faces.
The pressure will now be on for the new attorney to wear business
attire everyday and distribute business cards to every person they meet.
Don’t talk about them though, they deserve to relish in the glory for a
while. However, if they’re still doing a little too much after a month
or so, tell them to give it a rest.
EBPs love to be “the exception.” There is no better way to separate
themselves from regular BP, than by an EBP’s choice of footwear. The
deck shoe or boating shoe is very popular in the EBP community. Most EBP
prefer the Sperry brand of deck shoe.
EBPs love wearing their deck shoes with shorts, khakis, or seersucker
pants. The shoes complete the ultimate EBP weekend look. However, this
look confuses most WP. It says to WP that this EBP must be going out on a
WP’s yacht because no black person could own his own yacht. As the WP
thinks more about the EBP in deck shoes, he wonders if the EBP is being
forced onto the yacht. This is because WP think most blacks hate the water
and/or do not know how to swim. My statistics show that for every black
person that can swim, there are the same number of WP that can dance.
So, only a small number of BP enjoy the water; and they are mostly EBPs .
Deck shoes also provide an alternative to those athletic slippers or
“house shoes” so many UEBP wear in public. The ones with a large velcro
strap that are worn with athletic socks. When rushing out to the market,
an EBP can easily slip on deck shoes, as they coordinate with any
ensemble, to keep from looking like an UEBP who wears these slippers in
EBPs love deck shoes because wearing them allows them to remain
prepared. An EBP never knows when their boss or co-worker will call them
on a yachting emergency, so they must remain fully dressed at all
times. However, most EBPs who wear deck shoes will never step foot on a
boat while wearing them; well maybe Al from Bay Shore, but he’s the
Educated Black People like foreign cars. Something about the
undergraduate degree just makes American made cars inadequate. Now, the
type of B.A. determines where the foreign car is from. Any Liberal Arts
degree is automatically a Japanese Import (with a heavy affinity towards
the Honda Accord).
Science or engineering degrees are not as simple. Sometimes these
degrees can go for “near luxury”brands like Lexus, Acura and Infiniti
(which again are all Japanese imports that are made by Toyota, Honda and
Nissan respectively, but they cost a lot more). Occasionally, the
science or engineering degree holder will break tradition and get a
German import, which all EBPs know, are typically reserved for those
with a Master’s Degree. The EBP who obtain J.D., M.D. and PhD. are only
comfortable driving Italian made cars (Porsche) or English made (Jaguar,
Range Rover). The EBP foreign car love starts in Japan and works its
way west. As they hand out the diploma, they should also hand out a map
that says “your next car should come from here”.
Note: The Cadillac Escalade, Lincoln Navigator and
Hummer are all American made, but popularized by entertainers and
athletes. Occasionally, an EBP will get one of these to emulate the
(uneducated rapper/actor/athlete) and will be talked about by his fellow
After moving to Atlanta in droves, EBP will discover their new found
love and desire for gated communities. The average EBP is very familiar
with gated communities; whether they grew up with a gate at the front of
their neighborhood or went to an HBCU such as Hampton or Howard
University that was equipped with a security guard as well.
Not only is this neighborhood feature the pièce de résistance to a
newly purchased townhome, gated communities allow EBP to protect their
homes and possessions from the downtrodden and unwanted. EBP understand
that “regular,” open communities are for UEBP that don’t understand the
importance of standing out.
With the unfortunate popularity of urban gentrification in just about
every major city, EBP look for gated communities when house hunting as
it is a must. EBP that may not currently live in a gated community will
make it a top priority amenity when they move to their next home. Even
EBP that are renting apartments look for gated access when apartment
hunting. When discussing a newly purchased townhome, “Is it gated?” will
be one of the first questions asked by an EBP. If you are an EBP and
your friend, colleague or associate does not ask “Is it gated?” within
the first five minutes of the conversation, beware. They may be an UEBP
EBP take great pleasure in surprising their guests with access codes
that they are privy to only upon arrival. When attending an event where
other EBP will probably be overdressed for a simple game night, EBP also
find acting unaware of who you are and why you want access when you
finally reach the gate. EBP’s faces light up with elation when their out
of town friends visit for the first time and see that they are
established – gated community and all.
#26 Naming Their Children
We Educated Black People LOVE to give our children names that show that “we’ve arrived!”
Names that won’t leave the teacher guessing where the accent should
be. Names that don’t necessarily reveal the child’s race like
Nina(often times followed by Simone), Melanie, Noah(many are huge fans),
Drew, Aiden, Nile and Gavin. Gone is the day where Shaquan, De’Ja-nae
and LaPonicah reign supreme.
Although we’re not too crazy about unusual spellings, we love giving
our girls masculine names with a twist like Ryann, Alexx and Jordyn.
Last names as first names? We like those too,for boys and girls,
like Riley, Reid and Madison. These names also work very well with the
ever popular initial as the first name.
There are a growing number of EB’s that, on occasion, throw
in ”ethnic” names like Kesi, Nadirah and Akil(nothing too over the top;
that also goes for Biblical places for names like Judah and
Eden) but they’re seldom used as first names. Heavens no. The EBP
reserves those names for that ever popular SECOND middle name; you know,
the one that is seldom used.
It starts with their first born. Be it the first name as an initial,
middle name and last name or the afore mentioned first name, middle,
2nd middle and last name. To keep up the trend with the second born,
the child will either share the 3 initials of his sibling, both children
will have a 2nd middle name or their first names will share the same
letter. Many EB’s are moving away from naming their son’s junior. It’s
better to have a Nathan Montgomery Edwards, II than to have a Nate or
Monty, Jr. as those names wouldn’t read well on the birth announcement
written of course in Bradley Hand ITC or Calligraphy.
#27 Sheer Pantyhose and Patterned Tights
Whether you are an attorney, doctor, or upwardly mobile socialite,
you make sure that whatever you are wearing out looks good on you. From
the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, your look shows
everyone what strata of the socio-economic ladder you belong too. So
you make sure your wig is tight, your dress is right, and your legs are
hard to miss. So you never wear an outfit without accessorizing your
legs are well.
Black women are blessed to have some of the best legs on the planet.
However, when it comes to hosiery they are often overlooked. “Nude”
hosiery does not necessarily translate to nude black skin. So what is a
black woman to do. She purchases coffee colored hosiery for when she
wants to show off her flawless ebony skin and resorts to patterned
tights when she wants to pique’ the interests of everyone in the crowd.
So why does wearing hosiery make a blog post for educated black
people? Because, wearing hosiery shows and air of professionalism.
Professionalism is the pride of the educated black community. So if you
are gonna talk the talk, you have to walk the walk….in your favorite
pair of pantyhose.
Just look at Beyonce, Rihanna, Jesscia Alba, and a host of other
celebrities that continue to rock pantyhose on a daily basis. Whether
you are wearing them with a skirt, dress, or even a pair of shorts.
Nothing beats a pair of hose on your legs.