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25 yrs dating, then he marries somebody else

 
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Midna View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Midna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 24 2013 at 4:25am
This is the ULTIMATE in settling. I mean, DAMNNNNNNN.

I don't want to chastise her, but she set the stage for failure..
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Twisted_Angel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 24 2013 at 8:34am
Originally posted by purpulicious01 purpulicious01 wrote:

Why did she wait around for 25 years? I would've bounced a long time ago.
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jonesable View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 29 2013 at 8:17pm
Lllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrdddddddd.
I would have politely cut him and walked away with my head held high
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote tropicalstorm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Aug 31 2013 at 12:59pm
He was really cold toward her. Jeez
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ImThatDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 09 2013 at 9:05pm
Lmao, she did it to her self. Nan a heartstring was tugged.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 10 2013 at 8:50am
This is a classic case of the "FILL IN WOMAN".  This is something that I pray all young women learn and are paying attention to make sure that it does not happen to them.  I'm going to try and explain as clearly as possible below:
 
What is a Fill in Woman or Man??
A fill in woman or man is a person that you date....while you are looking for better.  I don't want to be lonely, I want a person to date and sex, but I'm not totally pleased with you.  For example:
 
Larry meets Sunshine, she has two kids, and they get along okay but Larry....deep in his heart wants a woman with no kids, and really does not "connect" with Sunshine deeply.  But to avoid having no one, he dates her and keeps looking....he dates Sun for 4 years....off and on.....they break up for various "reasons" or no reason at all...then they get back together.....then when Larry meets Dawn...
 
He dumps Sunshine 100%, things work out for 2 years...then it ends...he "somehow" finds his way back to good ole sunshine...they date for 1 year.....he finds Lucy...dates both of them for a while....things work out...dumps sunshine....dates Lucy 3 years, has  child with her...things don't work out...back to old sunshine....
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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sunshine321511 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 10 2013 at 9:04am
Now some people will read the above scene and interpret it as....  .Sunshine is the one for Larry, you see he keeps coming back...she is the ride or die girl...he loves her.
But that is not true in most cases, if you date someone over and over and the break-ups are due to other people, that is a hint that the person is not really into YOU.
 
The story ends....like the original poster...when Larry meets "Leslie...aka..The One" who is really wants to marry and start a life with...guess what....he marries her...just like what happen with the original poster.   We as women have to learn to END a relationship and not allow ourselves to be used.
 
Here are my tips and warning signs to watch to avoid being a fill in person
  • document in your personal diary why each breakup occurs.  We tell our mind the opposite of the truth when in denial, sometimes writing down events helps you clearly know what happened.
  • Has the person cheated on you over and over???
  • Understand that knowing or meeting his family and friends means NOTHING....many of their family members are in the "game" and know you are not the main person. Some men introduce people they date to their family/friends while others don't.
  • He talks about the "type" he likes and you don't fit that....for example....when he was "hurting" from the breakup of another girl...he slipped up and told me....Sue was perfect, she was this height, this skintone, with long hair etc etc....and I did not fit that description...that is a HINT.

Listen when he speaks to you and try and understand what he is telling you. Sometimes when a person is hurt from another relationship they will tell you what they are looking for or what they "did" for that person....and ask yourself...is he doing that for ME???

You are on a constant roller coaster ride, good one day (all things high and great) then for no reason he can't be reached, he is not seeing you like before, he is ghost....he has someone else...then bam....back on your tip....always ask yourself WHY...what happened???
 
 
 


Edited by sunshine321511 - Oct 10 2013 at 9:41am
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sunshine321511 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 10 2013 at 9:24am
Sometimes we ALLOW ourselves to be USED and please GOD...don't have a child for a man...who views you as the fill in woman.....many times, that woman's life is taken so far out in left field and she never gets a chance to meet the "MAN" for her....cause she is so tied up with a person who never meant her any good from the start.
I know this scenario well because my mother was a fill in woman and had me.  My father was never happy with "US"...he had several other women and kids, and in the end....my mother did not leave him until she was so "OLD"...in her early to mid 50's.....when if she had ....had the STRENGTH ....to cut him off 10000%...she might have found someone else....and had a new life.  My mother wasted her life....she just prolonged what was going to happen anyway....its better to end it at 2 years then 12 years....its better to end it at 5 years...then 20 years.
 
We must end the mentality ....that says....I've been with James for 1 year, 5 years and I'm not going to end it cause I've invested too much time.  Invested what...if it is not going to work....you are wasting your own LIFE. As I approach my mid 40s I know understand that time is priceless, you can't get those wasted years back.
 
I "dated" a man 15+ years ago and I realized after MANY MANY unknown ups and down...that I was the fill in woman....thank GOD...I did not have kids for him.  And I thank GOD, I got out of the situation, I cried, was sad, but thank GOD...I ended it and ....now I am married to my HUSBBAND.
 
I pray at least one sister learns from this explanation...you have to learn how to be strong and cut someone back out of your life 1000% .  You have to not let  loneliness, not meeting someone new, let you go back,  you have to sometimes change your number, don't  call them or their family or friends, go new places, and just end it 1000% to keep your eye on the prize for your future and desires of having a husband/wife. and learn to understand when you are being USED.
 
I had to learn that not everyone who tells you during moments that they "love" you, need you, etc really have YOUR best interest at heart.  Sometimes you have to love yourself enough to not sabotage your future for a temporary person who means you know good.
 
 
 
 
 
 


Edited by sunshine321511 - Oct 10 2013 at 9:48am
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katakana89 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote katakana89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 10 2013 at 4:00pm
sunshine, ClapClapClap
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote swweet*suga Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Oct 11 2013 at 7:21pm
wow, this is sad and thats why us a women have trust issues. 
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